Home > Child, Random Weirdness > Adventures in Parenting: I am 3 going on 17…

Adventures in Parenting: I am 3 going on 17…

So, my three-ring circus consists of a three-year-old child, two sibling cats, working from home, making handmade items for spare cash, and trying to complete my degree through online college. Since we recently moved to Austin, our finances have (understandably) been in severe flux and we’re still waiting for the dust to settle. This means that my barely manageable chaos between work/self-employment/school is also complicated by having to ensure my daughter is still breathing and not stockpiling reasons to seek therapy by the end of the day. This becomes more and more difficult as she develops her own opinions. I tried to decline the update but it was pushed overnight as part of the whole “dressing herself” convenience package I opted into.

That’s a note to all you geeky parents out there: Always read the fucking EULA.

We recently allowed Siobhan to turn three years old. It was a tough decision for her father and I, as we barely survived her two’s and felt ill-prepared for the added challenge of regular, informed debates with a midget. Luckily, however, my husband pointed out that she would be much easier to train with the update’s freebies like English, connection-making skills, and self-entertaining subroutines to keep her on a repetitive, placid mode in her bedroom so I can get some goddamned work done during the middle of the day.

Part of her learning to entertain herself has been playing with Mina and Pepper, our two 10-month-old kittens. She loves to take shoelaces or craft yarn and lead them on merry (if not psychotic) chases around our small apartment. It has the dual effect of providing all of us with entertainment and giving me a prolonged break from the child micromanaging so I can get some work done.

Today, I needed to start transcribing something (as I’ve had absolutely no time to do it all weekend), and Mina wouldn’t leave my lap alone. So I called Siobhan into my bedroom. She came running in from her room, breathless and naked except for her Pull-Up, where I knew she had been doing everything except cleaning it like I’d previously asked…

Siobhan (innocently): What is it Mommy?
Me: Here. Can you play with Mina and Pepper so I can get some work done, please?

Siobhan crosses her arms and rolls her eyes dramatically before she sighs as deeply as you’d expect from a petulant 15-year-old. “Fine, Mommy. I’ll do you a favor.” Then, she plasters on a plastic smile and opens her eyes wide (think “Pre-School Teacher on Methamphetamines”) before turning to Mina and Pepper: “Come here M’na, Pepper! Let’s go!”

Thanks for the solid, smartass.

Categories: Child, Random Weirdness
  1. May 14, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    LMAO! You are lucky… mine didn’t implement the self-entertaining subroutines until well after they were in school. We are currently experimenting with the Puberty “upgrade”. I think that one should’ve spent a lot more time in the beta-testing phase…

    • May 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm

      I heard that the server stacks in the Puberty testing phase kept irrationally overheating and going out on weekend porn downloading binges… Ultimately, the dev team said “Fuck it. It’s a user issue.” and pushed it through to meet the deadline.

      Ain’t it always the way?

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