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Viva la Revolution! :: Death By Movies : We Do It So You Don’t Have To

September 5, 2012 Leave a comment

Psst! Panda Paraphenalia Post…

August 27, 2012 Leave a comment

Hey guys!  Guess what???

For $4.99 + tax, in the Lakeline Mall in Austin, TX, you can TOTALLY own your own…. (wait for it)…

 

SOLAR POWERED PANDA READING A NEWSPAPER ON THE TOILET!!!

This a children’s toy, you bastards. Take comfort in the fact that, as it’s screwing your kids up for life, it’s doing so in an environmentally-conscious way.

 

 

And now, I leave you.
You’re welcome.

 

Death by Television — Life on Mars: Some Things are Just Better in Britain | Death By Movies

August 24, 2012 Leave a comment

Look! My first official post over at Death by Movies!

Go check it out and show us some love!

 

Death by Television — Life on Mars: Some Things are Just Better in Britain | Death By Movies.

Yeah. That just happened…

April 26, 2012 2 comments

Today I picked up the husband from work, with our 3-year-old in her toddler seat, and started driving us toward the pharmacy on the way back home.  Our daughter picked an argument with me (I can’t remember what it was about, to be honest, as it’s not the first we’ve had today, and probably won’t be the last…) and after some whining and general verbal flailing about, the conversation continued as follows:

Me:  Sorry, kiddo. Mommy wins.

Husband: Yeah, honey, mommy always wins.

Me: Yep. It’s a fact of life. Learn to accept the loss…

Husband: Seriously not a concept I think she’s aware of.

Daughter: …Lose? (puzzled look)

Husband: See???

Me: You lose.

Husband: …Fa…tality?…

Me: Yeah, I’m Mommy!Shredder.

Husband: …

Me: …?

Husband: I think you’re aiming for Sub-Zero or something…It’s a Mortal Kombat reference, dear.

Me: I know…Shredder, Sub-Zero, whatever…

Husband: You can’t combine Mortal Kombat with Teenage Goddamned Mutant Fucking Ninja Turtles, dammit. Quit cross-pollinating your fucking geek.

Me: *cries tears of broken nerd shame/hysterical laughter and tries not to wreck the minivan on the frontage road…*

What a long, strange trip it’s been! (or: Dr. Who Sex Toys and You…)

April 11, 2012 3 comments

Kella, where has the Stay-at-Home Geek been???

Glad you asked. I’m sorry for my absence these last six or seven months, but I’ve…

a.) Been a full time-mom

b.) Been a full-time student

c.) Got a job outside the house, which prompted me to have an identity crisis as I was no longer staying at home, but then we moved three times and then out to Texas and I was able to take my job “on the road” so that all worked out…

d.) (See above, re: moving three times in-state, then once from Orange County, CA to Austin, TX. Then pity me.)

e.) Been starting a new business: Knit Your Geek On, which will offer geeky handknit/crocheted items for the discerning individual. (Or even the not-so-discerning. Don’t care, money please.)

f.) Been hosting an athletic competition for my lungs, to see which can project itself the furthest outside my chest cavity, via my mouth. (Also known as: battling bronchitis/pneumonia/crackhead lung-dwelling Mogwai…)

All of this has conspired to make me the most seemingly-unproductive fucker on the planet.  Luckily, I have managed to retain my sense of humor about it all.

I still have Roy. He will be put up for auction, proceeds going to Operation Smile, as soon as I unpack him from the anti-moth/dust/critters/air precautions he’s in and give him a good airing out!

And now, something that may help kick off the reboot of this blog: Facebook Ramblings with Stu.

Stu and I have been friends since 2005. I’ve moved around like a gypsy on the lam, but we still keep in contact, intermittently (and I recently discovered that I’d accidentally memorized his phone number, despite never calling it in the last 7 years).  What helps keep our friendship going, I think, is the fact that his insanity parallels my own.

Stu is British, lives in Oklahoma, and plays host to four feline terrorists. We share Doctor Who/Star Wars/Whedonverse love, and he tolerates my craft-making rantings online with enthusiasm.  Often, he’ll post something outlandish on his wall, I’ll respond, and then (sometimes with the involvement of his other friends) it takes a turn for the bizarre and blogworthy.

Case in point (actual Facebook conversation from yesterday, with other friends of his chiming in):

Stu:  So.. Doctor Who sex toys. The sonic screwdriver is obvious (mine has three speeds).. but how about the Tom Baker scarf cock ring? Or the K9 Sybian?
Stu:  We could offer TARDIA .. Time and Relative Dimensions in Anal. “it gets bigger on the inside”
Kella:  ><;
Amber:  that last one just made me think “OUCH”
Stu:  Various screw drivers in various sizes.. four five six seven… and David TenInch. And “disappointing” for Eleven. Oh and don’t forget the Master!
Kella:  Wait till he changes the desktop theme to “coral”…
Amber:  The Dahlek vibrator, it’s already ribbed for her pleasure. Bonus points if it said “Ejaculate!”
Kella:  Not ribbed. Bumps. Dalek Bumps. /JeremyPrice
Amber:  The cyberman blow up sex doll.
Kella:  ‎…get off mah brainz.
Amber:  Adipose ball gag?
Kella:  I’ve actually knit one of those…
Stu:  I like the way you think.  Silence gags and Weeping Angel blindfolds…
Kella:  Raxacoricofallapatorian butt plugs…
Amber:  The Ood bullet, round and glowing, of course. the remote control is even part of the appeal!
Kella:  Only if the bullet is shaped like a brain, and it’s squishy.  I think I’ve actually got a pattern in my head for an Ood ski-mask, which could be easily altered to have an “uncut” Ood appearance… “The Ood ski mask, now 100% less Jewish/Puritanical!”
Amber:  I’m pretty sure that needs to happen!
Kella:  ‎…Don’t tempt me. People in Austin may die as a result.
Katie:  This is amazing.
Stu:  Cyber corsets. With upgrades. And attachments.  River Song’s Sensation Enhancing Lipstick.
Kella:  Window washer’s cart sex swing… for when you absolutely need suspension of your sexual disbelief.
Stu:  The Captain Jack equal opportunity toy… a vibrator at one end, a fleshlight at the other.
Kella:  The Gimp Mask of Bo.
Stu:  The Mickey Smith… a giant vibrating pussy.
Kella:  …with optional car charger!  The Martha Jones: invades your spaces in all the ways you don’t want, so you feel better after it’s been removed.
Stu: 
Empty Child brand bondage gas mask… Changes everything you say to “Are you my mummy?”
Sarah: 
Omg…. This was by far the strangest thing I read all day.
Kella:
  The Jackie Tyler: Comes in a wide array of dated colors, half out of its package, and will black your eye if you’re not careful.

I’m back. You’re welcome.


Catapults are for people who are too damned lazy to fling themselves through the air using more creative methods.

September 8, 2011 7 comments

So, I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to write and I’ve been out of meds for my anxiety for over 24 hours.  I’ve had anxiety disorder since 2006 (possibly longer, but that’s the year that I started showcasing the crazy for public consumption).  I’ve gone through different meds and therapy options, within my limited income, and finally found a medication that works better than anything else I’ve tried.  Unfortunately, it’s very expensive, which often results in me going without and becoming a hermit until the meds can be bought.

Unmedicated anxiety disorder is like being shoved naked into the path of oncoming traffic: you’re not sure you’ll survive the day, but your dignity is now up for grabs.

Most of my coping mechanisms revolve around the important principles of distraction and self-delusion.  I’ve gotten fairly good at both.  Unfortunately, my distractions vary wildly, and frequently, depending on the amount of unmedicated stress that has just hit me in the face.  This would be why I have trouble blogging sometimes… you try to write when you’re head-underwater and have developed a level of anxious paranoia reserved for fugitives and politicians’ mistresses.

Tomorrow is one of my husband’s paydays, though, so we should be able to refill my prescription in the morning.  Today, I plan to do what I can to vent steam… I have come up with the following list of activities to (hopefully) provide catharsis and stave off panic attacks:

  1. Finish a knitting/crochet project or two. ~  I always feel better when I get that “Hah! See what I just did, bitches?” high.  You know what I’m talking about.
  2. Clean the house until I pass out from heat exhaustion.  ~  Usually reserved for times of utmost pissiness, housecleaning is something I do to give myself time to think, calm down, and silently plot the deaths of those who oppose me.  I can get pretty creative with a bottle of Clorox wipes and a toaster.  Do not fucking test me.
  3. Play World of Warcraft.  ~ I figure, after I teach Siobhan how to forage for her lunch and afternoon snack, and tie a hospital-grade adult diaper to her ass, that’ll buy me somewhere in the ballpark of six hours to pretend I’m a gun-shooting werewolf on a vendetta against anything that moves.  (Also, fake money is like crack for people who have no real money. My werewolf can sell a moldy pair of boots for two gold pieces.  I can’t sell a pair of earrings for ten bucks.)
  4. Finish unpacking until back gives out.  ~  I plan to turn this into a game, to keep it interesting.  I love my husband, but rearranging his face because all the unpacking has been left to me while he’s at work has become a favorite fantasy of mine the last two days.  I think I should unpack on the principle of counter-intuition:  socks in the junk drawer, junk in the pillowcase, deoderant in the vacuum, vacuum in the dresser, anti-depressants in the spice rack, and craft supplies in the underwear drawer.  It’ll be like a treasure hunt of awesome!
  5. Paint murals on the neighbors’ cars.  ~  I’ve given this one a lot of thought.  I’m fairly certain our next door neighbor’s kids would love a Tardis hiding in the Metreon Cascade on the windshield.  No one will ever see them coming.
  6. Teach Siobhan how to game with the best.  ~  This one could prove difficult, as the Wii remote makes me seem like I haven’t played Mario a day in my life.  I used to rock that shit every Sunday at Marie Calendar’s while my parents waited for a table.  Like hell I can’t goomba-stomp with the best!  However, tradition holds that whatever I think I’m good at, my daughter will be better.  She was playing Street Fighter 4 on her daddy’s arcade-style fight stick when she was a year old.  Ergo, training her early ensures that she’ll kick Justin Wong’s ass by the time she’s five.
  7. Write a book.  ~  On a slightly more serious note, I’m actually kicking around ideas for geeky pattern books in my head… I’ve got at least two knitting books, a nonfiction plot line, and a fiction plot line kicking around in my head.  Whether or not I can write on any of them remains to be seen.
  8. Create more stuff for my store. ~  If you haven’t been to my store yet, for shame.  It’s not got much in there yet, though, so the ritual floggings will be suspended.  The problem with this plan, though, is that it means digging through random unpacked crap in search for more random unpacked crap with which to make stuff.  I’ll reserve this for the moment before I kill someone in the face.
  9. Poke at fellow bloggers on Twitter for shits and giggles.  ~  It always makes me feel better when I can make someone spit-take on their monitor, or just run screaming into the night from the horrifying mental imagery.  Honestly, I consider either a win.  (Spit-taking is considerably better for site traffic, however, so we’re aiming for that…)
  10. Teach Siobhan to yodel.  ~  Dignity is overrated.  I figure if I teach her an interesting skill, she’ll make a killing as a street performer.  Of course, it would have been easier if I’d had twins, so I didn’t have to contend with child performer labor laws… Maybe I should teach her pickpocketing instead…
  11. Exercise. ~ There’s a reason this is at the bottom of the list.  It’s too fucking hot to do it.  However, the Wii is set up, and I haven’t touched Wii Fit in months… if it gets cooler, maybe…

 

What do you think?  Any other ideas for distracting one’s self from anxiety issues?

Where the fuck is Lassie when you need her? (Also, Nerd HQ pics that were promised an age ago…)

August 19, 2011 1 comment

Well, I feel like I fell down a well, anyway…

Okay, so first off, I’m sorry about my prolonged absence.  After the initial panic from the aforementioned emergency died down, our finances started kicking our butts.  Some of you may have seen my panicked crafting blitz on Twitter and Etsy.  I also told the slum apartment owners and property manager that I was moving out after five months of roach infestation, broken appliances, and unfinished repairs.  After using choice words, including “lawsuit”, “attorney”, and “loud, Republican mother”, they decided to “amicably” handshake and agree that I be let out of my lease early, at no penalty.  All of this, and more, have combined to make my life a living hell for the last three weeks.  I didn’t mean to delay you guys, and I’m glad you guys understand!

First off, Nerd HQ was amazing!  For those of you who did not make the annual pilgrimage to San Diego this July, Nerd HQ was a “side con” to Comic Con, thrown by The Nerd Machine.  Held at Jolt’n Joe’s, on the corner of 4th and J Street, the event had an entire floor of first-look video games (Gears of War 3, Rayman, Gunstringer, and others), a merchandise booth full of cool Nerd gear, and large HD and 3-D televisions showing Break.Com videos and Nerd Machine PSA’s.

Roy the Robot made a prominent appearance there, sitting in a place of honor at the merchandise booth.  We got to meet the artist who drew The Nerd Machine’s logo artwork, Jim Mahfood.  Mahfood was cool and had some awesome things on display at Trickster (a free comic artist mini con across the street from Comic Con), and he signed Roy! **

At times, he would choose to mingle with the crowd, stopping to pose with his fans…

Roy posing with me and SweetKT

Roy takes a moment to pose with the artist who created him...

Skyetk is swept off her feet...

Roy the Robot turned out to be a whopping 50 inches tall! I have his keyboard and other pieces that weren’t available in time for NerdHQ, and will be piecing those onto him before putting him up for auction. I haven’t forgotten!

Roy would like to thank everyone who supported him along the way...

I got the chance to meet some awesome nerds from TNM, including two girls who each are dead ringers for Claire Littleton from Lost.  We named them Claire One and Claire Two.  I’m sure their parents named them Laura and Emily (respectively), but four days of knowing them rendered us better-equipped to name them properly, y’see.

One of them was Claire from "Vancooter"... Because Laura had to learn that Kella fails at spoken language. Hard.

We also had an actual Claire, and she was designated “Claire Prime”.  We’re not nerds at all.  Swear.  I also met up with TNM chat regulars such as Tessay/pinaynerd (the awesome lady who was my roommate/hostess for NerdHQ), Beefkiller, may.the.nerd.b.with.u, Andriana, Jaimemac, NerdyCruz, juniper728, theurbanraptor, XFKirsten, and a bunch of others whose names I can’t retain in my head after a month, I’m sorry!

By the time Roy and I got there on Thursday afternoon, the place was packed already and there were panels going on upstairs.  I am definitely regretting the intervening mayhem that kept me from updating sooner, because all the details have faded from my brain.  I remember a few things though (in no particular order):

#1.) There was a couple cosplaying there, first as Flynn/Rapunzel from “Tangled”, then as Chuck/Sarah from — well — “Chuck”.  Michael Haneline took his geeky girlfriend, Genevieve, on a whirlwind mission-tour of Comic Con and NerdHQ, and along the way there were stormtroopers, mission clues from Chuck (who was apparently with Sarah on assignment in Brazil… or something. I don’t know. I’m sure Casey was there. With guns…), and ended it all with a steampunk puzzle box at Comic Con booth 1331.  Inside was a gorgeous ring. Great cosplay, great attitudes, and genuinely great people to talk to. (And Genevieve is an admitted craft!nerd…go figure!) Their wedding website is here.

So cute! (And able to kill you with their pinkies in about 50 different ways...)

Zac gave them a great engagement present: an impromptu Break.com spot on camera!

This was what she had to "defuse" for her shiny...

#2.) I got to meet Zac Levi (and the entire Nerd Machine team, who are all incredibly metal for working their asses off!), Scott Bakula, Seth Green, Felicia Day, and Michele from Team Unicorn accidentally stepped on my foot and elbowed me in the boob in a crowd surrounding the aforementioned Break.com interview (which I still consider a “meeting” and therefore a win, by the way). They’re all awesome people, and getting to see Scott Bakula and Zac Levi do a spur-of-the-moment musical number during a panel was a weekend highlight.

#3.) Nathan Fillion going “incognito” up the sidewalk past NerdHQ.  In his green “Captain Mal”-style shirt, distinctive haircut, red bandanna over his face, and tight jeans, I had absolutely no freaking clue who he was… for about 0.5 seconds. I nodded at him as he walked along and went about my work.  I was trying to find something to do, about 15-20 minutes later, and was walking into the bar when he almost ran me down on foot on his own way into the panel room upstairs.  Now, after about two years of my brother regaling us with his “Nathan Fillion almost hit me with his car in a crosswalk across the street from the L.A. Film School!” story, I’ve come to the conclusion that Nathan Fillion has it out for my family.  Thankfully, my sister is out of state, or I’d be worried about another celebrity-generated attempt on my family’s safety!  (I jest. The only thing Nathan Fillion is genuinely guilty of is twine-avoidance. And being studly!awesome. As he will tell you.)

4.) Caitlin Kagawa does awesome costume design. She crossplays a bunch (i.e. this year, she paraded about NerdHQ as Flynn Rider, Captain Jack Harkness, and Neal Caffrey) and is so convincing that I was embarrassed to be told, finally, that she was actually a girl!  I had an awesome chat with her and her roommate, Salina, who is a writer.  (Fair warning, Caitlin: I will probably be hijacking you for your input on a knitted cosplay for next year… as threatened previously.)

Convincing, ain't she?

I met many awesomely geeky couples, worked with some hilarious nerds, and got to meet the men (and woman!) behind the curtain: Zac Levi, David Coleman, and David’s wife, Courtney.  (David and Zac even signed Roy!)

I don’t have many pictures, unfortunately, as I was busy schlepping all over the place and working my ass off. I swear I lost 10lbs that weekend alone! I shall forever recommend volunteering for NerdHQ as the new “P-Nerdy-X” diet.  The friends I made and fun I had was intense and I can’t wait to do it again next year.  Also, I’m very proud of myself for only having ONE panic attack that entire four-day trip, toward the end of it all.  I was so afraid I’d freak out in public and not be able to work my shifts, let alone have fun.

Through all the rush, I got this pic near the end. Zac loved the doll, thankfully!

Whew! Now that I’ve actually “ripped off the band-aid” and posted this, for better or worse, I can stop thinking of myself as a horrible person for procrastinating on this post.  The longer my drama went on, the more blogging became this insurmountable obstacle; I’d waited so long, it was impossible to complete!

 

**Wrong draft got published, did not intentionally omit Jim from original posting. I’m just not that technically brilliant between the hours of 1:00 AM and 10:00AM, Pacific Standard Time.

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